I Stand Alone

Losing it! Losing control of my life. Why does this happen? It happens because I can't remain silent. I lost my best friend of 26-years yesterday. One would think a tragic death, cancer, something unstoppable. No, I lost her voluntarily. I stood my ground and wrote down the words I would never write in my life,"Don't ever call me or text me again!" I delved into my Face book and automatically deleted any trace of our sisterhood. In a blink of an eye she was gone. Did I overstep my boundaries by trying to keep her from crashing into a wall? Probably. Did I do the right thing? Probably not. I don't think it has hit me,yet. I haven't cried. Not one single tear. Instead I'm angry because about twenty-two years ago I saw her make the same mistake and I said nothing. Now I finally said to her, "Don't go down that road. I have been down that road and it destroyed my life." Who am I to say anything? No one. I will fix my mistake or my attempt at a heroic rescue, but we will never speak again. The power cord was disconnected. My heart is cold. I have let go. I have let go so many times before. I stand alone again. 

It's Been a While....

The last couple of weeks in my life have been atrociously difficult to bare. I always think that my life has gone full circle. I must say that life is more like a connection of circles. When we think we have learned the most profound lesson in life, our Maker starts to teach us another more intense lesson, no longer Life 101.  We may survive by having faith in our maker or we may perish.

I'm a tough and rough survivor. I do not fight my battles with my fists. I fight my battles with my mind. My mind has been my most powerful tool in learning, my sword against the world. My children wonder how I can stand up against the world. I say to them,"For you, I would stand up to anything and anybody." I also tend to stand for injustice in the world. That in itself brings spiritual drain. My soul, my senses, do not allow me to ignore that which I see wrong or unjust.

I think I went off on a tangent but I'll print it anyway for the sake of publishing something. It has been a while.