We are in 2010 and the holidays are over now... As Christmas started to rear its head around the corner, I found myself feeling the longing, feeling the loss...I wanted time to slip by, for January to come and go..But the days were slow to pass...I live in her house now, I breathe a little of her every day...Sometimes I am walking into my room, that used to be hers, and I see her laying there waiting for me to come over and lay next to her...I spent so many hours talking to her about life, my problems, my children, my fears, my hopes...She never wanted for her.
She always wanted more for us, her children..Noone knows this but I am about to blurt it out to the whole world, because she is gone and I miss her very much. She was my best friend, she was my critic and she was unconditionally in love with me no matter what my flaws.. I was her baby...my brothers and sisters, seven of them, saw my flaws, criticized my choices, wanted to have input in my life, but my mother always loved me just the way I was, broken and all...
Four years ago, when I realized I was going to lose her in this lonely world, I cried...Cried does not even explain what I did when I was told she was gone. I howled in pain, I squirmed in agony because the woman who brought me into this world was gone, would never touch me again, would never touch my forehead to see if I had a fever, would never again ask me if I wanted a taco or would get angry at me when I yelled at my children..I wanted all of that back...I wanted all of that with me, I wanted her to be forever..I could not understand why God thought seventy years was enough time for us to have her, that he wanted her with him..I was angry at God for taking her, I would yell into the air thinking that somehow he would hear me and he would send her back.. The day she was to die, I was at home resting, when a strong wind storm came out of nowhere and ravaged the windows, the door, sand everywhere, the whistling of the wind talking to me, letting me know that the angels had come to pick up my mother from this Earth...a white dove stood outside her home when she passed away..when she went to sleep... The doctors said she couldn't hear me anymore because she had a heart attack and she had been without oxygen for seven minutes or more, but when I talked to her when I asked her a question, I saw the tears roll down her cheeks.. My mother, she was a fighter, a woman to be admired...I always think that when I grow up I want to be just like her...she raised us, all her children, protected us like a mother hen, went out everyday to bring back what she could to provide for us...she would have given her life for any of us in a blink of an eye... there will never be another woman like her...she was my superwoman...
As I sit here right now, I want her to come sit next to me so I can lay my head on her lap...I want to stand behind her and unwind her hair and put my fingers through her tossled curls..I want to see her eyes glimmer as her grandchldren go to her and give her hugs and kisses.. My heart still doesn't understand that she is gone, my heart still desires her love like it did in my first memory of my love for my mother...My mother, my love, my angel...I miss you with every breathe I take...You will always be alive in my heart...Te amo madre mia...
Four years ago, when I realized I was going to lose her in this lonely world, I cried...Cried does not even explain what I did when I was told she was gone. I howled in pain, I squirmed in agony because the woman who brought me into this world was gone, would never touch me again, would never touch my forehead to see if I had a fever, would never again ask me if I wanted a taco or would get angry at me when I yelled at my children..I wanted all of that back...I wanted all of that with me, I wanted her to be forever..I could not understand why God thought seventy years was enough time for us to have her, that he wanted her with him..I was angry at God for taking her, I would yell into the air thinking that somehow he would hear me and he would send her back.. The day she was to die, I was at home resting, when a strong wind storm came out of nowhere and ravaged the windows, the door, sand everywhere, the whistling of the wind talking to me, letting me know that the angels had come to pick up my mother from this Earth...a white dove stood outside her home when she passed away..when she went to sleep... The doctors said she couldn't hear me anymore because she had a heart attack and she had been without oxygen for seven minutes or more, but when I talked to her when I asked her a question, I saw the tears roll down her cheeks.. My mother, she was a fighter, a woman to be admired...I always think that when I grow up I want to be just like her...she raised us, all her children, protected us like a mother hen, went out everyday to bring back what she could to provide for us...she would have given her life for any of us in a blink of an eye... there will never be another woman like her...she was my superwoman...
As I sit here right now, I want her to come sit next to me so I can lay my head on her lap...I want to stand behind her and unwind her hair and put my fingers through her tossled curls..I want to see her eyes glimmer as her grandchldren go to her and give her hugs and kisses.. My heart still doesn't understand that she is gone, my heart still desires her love like it did in my first memory of my love for my mother...My mother, my love, my angel...I miss you with every breathe I take...You will always be alive in my heart...Te amo madre mia...
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