In my thoughts, mother

I'm scared of life now, mother. You left me here without you. You left me here alone. I'm scared to love, mother. So many broken promises, scars slashed across my heart. Two-thousand-six, two-thousand-six replays in my head. Can we skip that year and have you here instead? I'm scared for my children, mother. What will become of them when I am gone? Will they ache for me silently at night like I ache for you? You were my strength, mother. Now I live the life of a hermit, afraid to roam too far. I lay in your bed, all broken and tattered. Yet, when I lay on it after so many years, I still feel your presence. I'm afraid to write, mother. Writing opens my heart and my mind to the void in my life. How dare you bring me here and then leave me? How dare I bring them here for I will one day leave them! Will they be hollow when I am gone? I am hollow. Knock, knock, knock...I can hear the echo in my soul. Knock, knock, knock...I can hear the echo in my heart. Life is not the same. The colors are dull. The sun's rays ache. Smiles seem fake and laughter is painful to hear. When will I heal, mother? I gave birth to my children before you departed. I never imagined losing you would leave a crater in my life. What love I can still bare to give, I give to them. I hope it is enough so that when I leave, they don't ask why.