Something tugs inside of me. It is a fear of what I have accomplished with my children. I worked diligently to obtain my education, a major in Psycholgy and a minor in English and Spanish. I graduated right as my first son was born. I took my finals a day after giving birth to him. I knew I had to give him a good life. Later, I worked vigorous and non-relenting hours to provide for what was now three children. I always had my own drive to succeed. I didn't want to end up in the agricultural fields, like my parents. Not because I was ashamed, because after all, my parents had raised eight children by working long into the night in those fields. We did not always have luxuries, but we always had what we needed. My drive was not to surpass their accomplishments. My goal was to be atleast half the parent they had been for us.
My children are now 13, 15 and 19 and I 41. I ask myself if I have done enough to motivate them to be better. I wonder if they will have the drive to survive the chaos of this world. Did I do enough? Did I teach them work ethic? What could I have done differently? All these questions and many more plague my mind. I think in traditional terms of education. I was a "follow the rules to success" kind of girl. I had to finish high school, college and then University.
My 19-year-old has already proven that he will not follow the traditional road in his path. He is a special needs person and has struggled with high school. He has decided to attempt getting his GED. It took me some time to accept his decision, but, after all, it is his decision to make. My 15-year-old daughter is very intent on performing well in school. She is into computer games, Manga and reading, reading and reading. The artist in me also came out in her. She draws, paints, writes, sculptures and takes photographs. However, she has no social skills and has no friends. This worries me because artists are passionate people that need someone to help them keep in touch with reality. My youngest, oh what can I say about my youngest. He is stubborn and obstinant like his mother. He sits in front of a computer all day learning facts. He inherited an intelligence far greater than I have ever seen, but he hates school. The stretch between now and his 16th birthday seems forever. At that point all I can do is hope he makes the best decision.
I was self-motivated at their age and knew that I would be attending college. College is what I planned for my children. However, I must remember that we all have free will and have to make our own decisions. I can't be afraid of life. However, I am afraid. I am afraid of them falling in love, having their first broken heart. I am afraid of the day they have their first job. I can't be everywhere with them although I wish I could. I have tried to teach them as many lessons about life as possible. I have taught them that to every choice there is a consequence.
My children growing up is definitely a process for me. Being a control freak, I have to let go of the reigns. I have to allow my butterflies to roam free. God is with them always. I pray he cover them and keep them, wherever they may walk. I pray that God gives me the strength to stand at their side and help them face life's challenges.
My children are now 13, 15 and 19 and I 41. I ask myself if I have done enough to motivate them to be better. I wonder if they will have the drive to survive the chaos of this world. Did I do enough? Did I teach them work ethic? What could I have done differently? All these questions and many more plague my mind. I think in traditional terms of education. I was a "follow the rules to success" kind of girl. I had to finish high school, college and then University.
My 19-year-old has already proven that he will not follow the traditional road in his path. He is a special needs person and has struggled with high school. He has decided to attempt getting his GED. It took me some time to accept his decision, but, after all, it is his decision to make. My 15-year-old daughter is very intent on performing well in school. She is into computer games, Manga and reading, reading and reading. The artist in me also came out in her. She draws, paints, writes, sculptures and takes photographs. However, she has no social skills and has no friends. This worries me because artists are passionate people that need someone to help them keep in touch with reality. My youngest, oh what can I say about my youngest. He is stubborn and obstinant like his mother. He sits in front of a computer all day learning facts. He inherited an intelligence far greater than I have ever seen, but he hates school. The stretch between now and his 16th birthday seems forever. At that point all I can do is hope he makes the best decision.
I was self-motivated at their age and knew that I would be attending college. College is what I planned for my children. However, I must remember that we all have free will and have to make our own decisions. I can't be afraid of life. However, I am afraid. I am afraid of them falling in love, having their first broken heart. I am afraid of the day they have their first job. I can't be everywhere with them although I wish I could. I have tried to teach them as many lessons about life as possible. I have taught them that to every choice there is a consequence.
My children growing up is definitely a process for me. Being a control freak, I have to let go of the reigns. I have to allow my butterflies to roam free. God is with them always. I pray he cover them and keep them, wherever they may walk. I pray that God gives me the strength to stand at their side and help them face life's challenges.
No comments:
Post a Comment