Sadness found me...

To write what you always feared to even think possible. Yes, the end has come in such an ugly way. Our dreams, our plans, our future all obliterated in one day. For some, it is time to rejoice. For me it is a time to mourn what was lost. A time to drown myself in a sadness that I hope will quickly dissipate.  On February 14, 2013 it would have been two years. Two years of what I thought would be decades together. The castle has crumbled in the midst of a cloud. A storm is coming, I can easily tell. I did not imagine there would be another painful disillusion,  but some people do not get to be in love. I am not saying I have no happiness because my children pull me through any turbulence. The happiness you gave me, though, is gone. Your side of the bed is empty. My hand brushes by expecting to feel you there. I only find emptiness.

What went wrong? You never believed I loved you no matter how much I tried. You never believed me no matter how many times I said I love you. We both came damaged and hurt, working to heal each other.  Little by little, breaking down the barriers. Now they are back, those walls, reinforced by pain, disillusionment and floods of memories.  Memories that were so sweet are now so sour, tears rolling down my face, a river of lies.

One would think that I would be used to the crushing pang of my heart.  For goodness sake, I am no child. Have I not learned that disappointment is a part of life. If you weren't so intertwined in my life; if I did not love you so much.  Why did we make so many plans? Now my hands are empty and my heart is cold. You stole from me what little life I had left. Goodbye.