Sometimes we are rushing back and forth, trying to catch up. We forget to breathe in the fresh air, we forget to stop and smell the scent of life. The scent of life gives us hope, gives us drive and gives us a reason for tomorrow. A tomorrow when you will see your children play, or your grandchildren. A day when Mr. Nibbles, the untrainable dog will lick you in the face and a tomorrow that is full of hope.
I lost hope for all those years that I knew no light. I am alone now. My oldest brother is very ill. Perhaps more ill than my 80-year-old father. My oldest sister is lost in the streets, unknown where. My next sister is in California and I got hurt by her words so I blocked her from my life. My most successful brother; I am not sure what his life has become. My youngest brother was always quiet. He doesn't talk much even til this day. My sister that looks more like me, laughs like me, she stormed out of my dad's home one day and I lost her. I have never found her since. My baby sister who shared 99 cent meals with me, late night pennies for a midnight snack. We worked together for years and I miss her the way she was before. Before I got sick, before I destroyed my life. I want them to see me as their little sister again but I have built a wall around me. I cannot get out and they cannot get in. I grieve because I died in between 1995 and 2009, depending on different perspectives. I was destined to be the best, the grandest, but I fell short of that. I have to let out the pain or it consumes me. I know there is no way to change what is. As soon as my father is gone, I will fly away never to be seen again. I think them together make a good family; my siblings, my nieces, my nephews, their children. I am ready to say good bye. I am ready to let go.
I lost hope for all those years that I knew no light. I am alone now. My oldest brother is very ill. Perhaps more ill than my 80-year-old father. My oldest sister is lost in the streets, unknown where. My next sister is in California and I got hurt by her words so I blocked her from my life. My most successful brother; I am not sure what his life has become. My youngest brother was always quiet. He doesn't talk much even til this day. My sister that looks more like me, laughs like me, she stormed out of my dad's home one day and I lost her. I have never found her since. My baby sister who shared 99 cent meals with me, late night pennies for a midnight snack. We worked together for years and I miss her the way she was before. Before I got sick, before I destroyed my life. I want them to see me as their little sister again but I have built a wall around me. I cannot get out and they cannot get in. I grieve because I died in between 1995 and 2009, depending on different perspectives. I was destined to be the best, the grandest, but I fell short of that. I have to let out the pain or it consumes me. I know there is no way to change what is. As soon as my father is gone, I will fly away never to be seen again. I think them together make a good family; my siblings, my nieces, my nephews, their children. I am ready to say good bye. I am ready to let go.
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