Où est ma vie ?

After so much pain; after so much sorrow, the fear and grey never goes away. I have lost so much that no matter how fast I run I can not catch up. I have lost the rising sun. I have lost the full moon.

Où est ma vie ?

I have changed to a person I do not know. I look in the mirror and see a skeleton of what I used to be. I used to be some one's little sister. I used to be some one's best friend. I used to be some one's wife. I was even some one's lover. Wind violent wind that shook the walls, lifted the sand and whispered my name, bring me back.

Où est ma vie ?

I am shackled to my bed. Comfort, I find, only in my mother's room. Imprisoned in a house that was made by my grandfather's and my father.  Even here the grey exists but I can close my eyes.  I hear my name, I see the shadows, but I can fall asleep.  Slumber is my Alcatraz.

Où est ma vie ?

I was the last of eight. Maybe there was not enough left to make me.  I got pieces that yearn to be whole. In 2009 I ran out of heart, I ran out of soul.  In 2009 I was no longer a mother, a sister, a wife or a woman. Curiously, people see only what they want to see.  I did not know how to ask, but I cried and I cried for their help. No one came.

Où est ma vie ?

Did I make my children whole? I pray to God that they have all the pieces of the puzzle. They have lent me enough strength to be their mother. What kind of mother? One made out of pieces. A mother, nonetheless,  I am. With each "I love you" the glue stays on a little longer. Enough to hope I'm here tomorrow. 

Où est ma vie ?

Life went on without me. It rushed through, almost pushing me to the ground.  My children have grown alone. My father has shed many tears.  Soon he will be ashes. The walls are held with tape.  These pieces of me yearn for understanding;  yet, no one comes.

Où est ma vie ? Où est ma vie ? Où est ma vie ?